Hatchet.
The other night I was blessed with the opportunity to watch a fresh bootleg copy of the horror hack and slash film Hatchet. After seeing the trailer on Apple.com I knew that I would have to keep a hand over my face in order to avoid having gruesome nightmares the following night. The storyline in the movie is about a group of teens who go on a ‘haunted’ swamp tour, I don’t know why in the fuck they would want to do this, but ok… I’ll let that slide. The swamp is home to some kind of deformed child who was apparently killed by his father but somehow still lurks and kills all who come to the swamp. One by one, each stereotypical character is killed, with each kill topping the prior one on the Vendryes scale of obliteration. Hell, one kill has the deformed beast ripping the top part of a womans head off from the jaw up, leaving her tung violently convulsing. Although these kills should have given me a sick feeling to my stomach, instead I found myself either laughing, or raising my shoulders in confusion as to why there are random flashes of blood splattering on trees throughout the kills. About 20 minutes into the film all story and plot is lost, the cast of nobody’s definitely suits the movie, because I don’ think any real actor would embarrass themselves by making an appearance in this piece of shit. Did I mention it has the most anti climactic ending, hands down, ever, in movie history.
With all that aside I recommend you do see Hatchet, it’s hilarious, and it’s something you have to witness for yourself to believe. Even hours after the movie ended and I had left the basement where the bootleg Hatchet DVD had been played for myself and a couple of close friends, I was still confused weather or not I had just saw the funniest movie ever, or the worst fucking movie on earth. I’m definitely on the fence with this one.
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